Do you feel your guy has been damaged by massive exposure to
pornography? A lady had cried out seeking for an advice from a relationship
consultant because her boyfriend has been greatly
influenced by pornography.
This post might help solve your problem too…. read her story!
She wrote:
Dear Mike,
I have a relatively new relationship with a man I like to
think of as "the One.” I could see myself having a family with him, and he
really isn`t the worst type of man out there. He does not seem to emotionally
shrink from the idea of commitment, which is rare. He loves children, and
believes in lifelong romance and marriage.
My boyfriend has been greatly influenced by pornography, and
has been touched by it in way that most men who just watch porn has not (we
hope so). He knows people in the sex industry and grew up in a milieu were
people have been seriously damaged by sexuality, yet he cannot see that. He
seems to have no idea about where the boundaries of average people goes, except
that pedophilia and rape is unacceptable. He understands that much. But he is not a rapist or a batterer, he just
has the weirdest ideas.
He has no interest in kissing at all. He is lousy at it, and
only does it dutifully to make me feel better after sex. I always kiss him. Instead,
he is obsessed with the idea of anal sex. It seems to be the thing that gives
him the greatest pleasure. He also has other weird fantasies, but it is
difficult for him to ask for those things, because he understands somewhere
deep down that most women would feel grossed out by it. I have tried to guide
him around my erogenous zones and he ignores that the next time we have sex.
So he goes for anal whenever he can, and I have done
everything to make him feel emotionally secure, so he is very self-confident in
going for anal now. Anal is usually not enjoyable to me. It usually causes me
some pain, if he keeps it up long enough, and sometimes I have damage and
bleeding. This disturbs him emotionally, but not enough to develop a healthy
interest in vaginal sex, which he simply does not enjoy that much.
I have asked an expert about what to do about this before.
He gave me some psychological advice and told me to try a different anal cream.
But I am still not sure if this will help. I would prefer vaginal sex and lots
of it.
So I told my boyfriend that he can have as much of it as he
wants to, almost when he wants to, except when I’m sick, and can do vaginal
penetration as roughly as he wants to . I thought that I was fulfilling all his
secret domination fantasies by giving him these permissions. But he does not
make use of my invitations and permissions. He still wants anal.
So what the hell do I
do?
Mike answers as he
recommends possible solution and advice
So Here’s What I Recommend . . .
First of all, I don’t think you should be with this guy. You
don’t seem to love him and even if you do “love” him, you don’t seem to like
him. And from the selfish behavior you’re describing I’m not sure you should
like him anyway. He doesn’t sound like “bad” guy but you don’t sound even
remotely sexually compatible.
And that MATTERS.
Sex (and sexual compatibility) MATTERS a LOT in romantic
relationships. If you’re going to commit to ONLY having sex with ONE PERSON for
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE it DAMNED WELL better be someone who likes to have the
kind of sex you like. Otherwise what's the point?
You can try every anal cream in the world. You can use anal
plugs to try to stretch yourself so it doesn’t hurt so much. You can beg him to
kiss you (and feel shivers down your spine when he crunches his eyes to try to
“get through” the “chore” of kissing you). You can bend over backwards and
forwards and alter your body and do everything humanly in your power to “make”
him happy...
And it’s not going to matter.
Because you’re never going to ENJOY it. And if you’re not
ENJOYING what you’re doing with your man and if he’s NEVER giving you what YOU
need (or he is, but only reluctantly) then you are going to get sad and bitter
and pissed off and are going to see all your passion and love and erotic energy
wilt like a flower with no sun.
I’m not saying your boyfriend is a “bad guy.” He sounds like
someone who’s been through some shit (haven’t we all) and it’s effected him on
a deep sexual level (which it tends to do.) What I am saying is that his
“problems” aren’t an excuse for his selfish behavior and no matter how much you
think they “should” be, his problems are NOT your responsibility.
You deserve a man who loves the taste of your lips and the
erotic fire of your eager body. No matter what you are not going to get that
with this man.
Do it quickly and kindly, but end this now before you do
something unwise like marry this guy. There are much better men for you out
there AND there are in fact women out there who are into anal sex as he is
(Though I don’t know any women who don’t like kissing.)
You’re not doing him or yourself any favors by sticking
around.
You can’t give him what he wants and he can’t give you what
you want (and doesn’t even seem to want to try.
You deserve better!
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