Angela had requested for help from a relationship consultant
about her guy who she says doesn't know how to kiss. Angela feels so disappointed because she likes the guy and doesn't mind teaching
her guy how to kiss! She wrote to Mike:
“Mike, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been dating this guy
for the last few weeks. He’s wonderful: handsome, kind, great conversation. I
have a wonderful time with him. The problem is he’s a LOUSY kisser! I was so
excited the first time he leaned in to kiss me but it was just AWFUL. No spark
at all! And he kept nibbling on my lower lip. What do I do? I really like this
guy but should this be a deal breaker or can I TEACH him to kiss me the way I
want to be kissed?”
Mike, a relationship
consultant replied back to her saying:
Hey Angela,
Thanks for your question (and for a chance to talk about one
of my absolute favorite topics.)
See, I LOVE kissing. Always have. To me there’s nothing
better in the world than a long, passionate, messy (and hopefully right after I
shaved, because this stubble can be brutal) kiss with a woman . . . the swell
of the music . . . the smell of her hair . . . the way her body presses against
mine . . . how time seems to stand still and all there is is the shifting sea
of her lips and mine as we melt together into a big (and somewhat moist) ball
of kissing bliss.
SO ANGELA . . .
1. If when you kiss this guy you feel no chemistry at all
that’s your genes way of saying “Nope, not this one.” From a purely biological
standpoint you guys aren’t a good match and I’m afraid not much of anything is
going to change that. You might be great friends, you might be awesome
roommates but if the primal kissing chemistry isn’t there now there’s really
not much you can do about it. On the upside, the great thing about kissing is
you can find out somebody is not for you pretty damned quickly and just by
swapping some spit.
2. If it’s less about chemistry and more about HOW this guy
kisses, then there’s actually hope. See, I always say A KISS IS A CONVERSATION.
And a good kiss really is. It’s a way for two people to communicate the depth
of who they are, how passionate they are and what they physically and
emotionally crave without saying a word.
And if there’s biological chemistry there but the kiss is
weird and lame it usually means that one or both of you aren’t having a
conversation, you’re delivering a monologue.
A lot of guys fall into this trap: They think that as the
DUDE they have to DRIVE the kiss, shove their tongue down your throat and show
how DOMINANT they are with their thrashing tongue.
So how do you make a guy (or girl) a “better” kisser?
Well . . .
FIRST you learn to LISTEN WITH YOUR MOUTH. Like I said, a
kiss is a conversation and sometimes you have to just shut up and let somebody
else talk. Instead of trying to make a guy kiss the way YOU want to, try going
along with how HE wants to kiss at least for a minute or two. So many bad
kisses are bad because both kissers are trying to “drive” at the same time and
(just like when two people try to drive a car at the same time) it usually
leads to a crash.
SECOND, once you’ve given him a chance to drive, take his
face in your hands like McCauly Caulkin from “Home Alone,” bat your eyelashes
at him and say “Let me be in charge for a minute,” and then smile all sexy and
coy.
Tell him to just relax and then kiss him the way YOU like to
kiss. See how he responds.
THIRD you can actually just say “Kiss me like this” and then
SHOW him EXACTLY how you like to be kissed. (Remember, your way of kissing
isn’t the RIGHT way, it’s just the way you like.)
If all that doesn’t work?
Um, well then you’re screwed and this guy isn’t for you =-)
Best,
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